I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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