i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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