The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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