Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
