There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize