At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
