I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
