That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
