I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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