Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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