The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
