if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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