Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
