Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
