five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
