okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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