After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
