you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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