Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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