During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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