Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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