Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
