I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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