Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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