he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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