Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
