Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
