He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
