There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
