My liver just broke up with me...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
