Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
