there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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