I queefed so loud it echoed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
