Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
