I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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