you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
