I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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