i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
