Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I love you.
Bad choice
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
