So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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