Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
