I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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