i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
