dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
