I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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