I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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