saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
