im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
