I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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