I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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