I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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