I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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