Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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