imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
