So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
