I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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