Me too!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You dont lie about slip and slides
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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