Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
