I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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