Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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