I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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