I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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