butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
