He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
