Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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