At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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