so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
