JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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