I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately