She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
