The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!