Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dating After Heartbreak
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.