Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.