Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.

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(440): pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me. http://tfl.nu/oa57

Replies (48) Good night (4845) Bad night (929)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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(610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd

Replies (40) Good night (6210) Bad night (1238)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

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(703): I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend. http://tfl.nu/4wvr

Replies (9) Good night (3974) Bad night (1008)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...

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(615): But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume... http://tfl.nu/x6iy

Replies (5) Good night (4570) Bad night (882)
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(303): View more from Colorado

she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone

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(303): she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone http://tfl.nu/1ml1

Replies (20) Good night (1132) Bad night (6248)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.

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(513): I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again. http://tfl.nu/s5qg

Replies (9) Good night (1519) Bad night (3574)
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(217): View more from Illinois

the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

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(217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an

Replies (18) Good night (2817) Bad night (2400)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.

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(804): Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat. http://tfl.nu/9gr0

Replies (6) Good night (1778) Bad night (886)
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(540): View more from Virginia

The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth

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(540): The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth http://tfl.nu/eovp

Replies (8) Good night (3079) Bad night (714)
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(917): View more from New York City

"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro

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(917): "it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro http://tfl.nu/gyn9

Replies (6) Good night (761) Bad night (2023)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.

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(832): He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits. http://tfl.nu/umk6

Replies (9) Good night (772) Bad night (1159)
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(817): View more from Texas

A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10

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(817): A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10 http://tfl.nu/8aoh

Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (334)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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(410): Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win. http://tfl.nu/bzly

Replies (9) Good night (1331) Bad night (359)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.

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(440): I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic. http://tfl.nu/5vs6

Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (330)
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(574): View more from Indiana

Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.

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(574): Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again. http://tfl.nu/4me9

Replies (2) Good night (159) Bad night (332)

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