I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.