Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I deserve this hangover.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
